I think I seriously have delayed response system, especially my feelings. I got O8 for Physics and at that moment, I easily accepted the news, was still cheery when I replied to my classmates about my grade. But now the sadness is sinking in, as I begin to realise the implications. Should I have failed? I had thought that the paper wasn't difficult, it was my lack of preparation. But Keefe got a C and Richard an E. I had expected to fail but after knowing my results and theirs, I thought again and realised I have no good reason to fail. The pass rate in my class was 29.2% - Tian'en got the A, Terrence n someone D, 4 Es, 8 Fs, 3 O7s and 6 o8s. I know no one will bother to blog about how their classes did, especially so statistically, but that's me.
It is rather weird because on Monday, Adeline and I were chatting and I had said that I won't really feel sad about academic results, its only because I should feel sad about having done badly that I feel sad.
Even though I was relieved I got an A for Math, I was sad when I found out there were 11 As in my class, so I actually did quite badly in comparison - I barely scrapped pass the mark; and so many people who don't take math S did better than me. I know I am being too competitive, but isn't it something to be ashamed of. People may say don't compare - I won't if it were some other subject but Math is my best one. If people who usually claim they find difficulty in the subject can do so well, there's no good reason for me to perform less. I think its because of my deteriorating attitude - from the beginning of this year, I haven't been doing my tutorials ahead of the lessons. Mr Tsang wrote the top four scorers in our class on the board - Tian'en 85, Gerard 81, Sandra 80, Russell 79 - and the more I stared at it, the worse I felt. Russell got 18 for last year's common test and Sandra had complained about the paper.
Hmm. but overall I'm quite glad that everyone in my class passed.
I know how we do for this common test ultimately doesn't matter. Lydia got 4 As in the end though she had gotten poor common test results. but its different for Fenella. People usually study extremely hard just before the big exam to do well, but Fenella doesn't; Fenella depends on consistency, and its not a good sign that she's losing consistency.
A recent graduate, Rosa Diswanty, from SMU came down to the student centre to have a session with interested students on Thursday, and I am getting really scared about me still being so undecided about which university course I want to take. I want to do a Business Course because of my interest, but I am also considering Science and even have some sort of interest in Psychology. Then I also have to decide on which University to go to. I want to go to SMU, but according to Rosa, you really have got to be able to manage your time, and your relationships with your classmates well - have to build up a good reputation. The University stimulates a real business environment, where deadlines mean deadlines.
You have to create your own opportunities, and not wait to be told what to do or even wait for an opportunity to be created for you to grab. Rosa was telling us that at the start of her first term, her professor simply told the class to do a project on community work, no further instructions were given. So they were expected to come up with the whole structure of the project.
Quality class participation really matters, and it can take up to 25% of your final grade, which depends on your professor and maybe your fellow classmates.
The structure of their programme is such that there are three terms for the first three years, 15 weeks per term. There's a break in week 8, with the mid-term exams and presentations in week 7 and week 15 is the major exams week. The major exams can be in the form of a three-hour paper or a presentation in front of a crowd of maybe even 200 and be sure that these people can shoot really intellectual questions at you during the Q&A and you better be able to think on the spot and give decent replies which have gone through a quick but good thinking process. Of course your presentation has to be engaging. Whoa. this whole thing about good presentation skills and quick thinking is so not me.
Rosa also mentioned that observation is an extremely important skill, a lifeskill. She gave us a few pieces of advice.
~ For everything you do, always think if its really what you want to do, what you believe in. ~ Never do anything you do not believe in. ~ Always think through anything you do. ~ What matters is not how you start a race, it is how you end it that does. ~ Never hold on to past successes.
No matter how successful you were before, it is how well you perform now that matters. If you are not doing well now, who cares how good you were in the past. At least the Cambridge examiners, the university lecturers, your future employers, the working society you step into in time to come won't care.
She was very animated and something that impressed me was her ability to act out a senario that involves different people all by herself, without lifting herself off her seat - simply by changing her expression, tone, and what she says. There was a point in time when she stopped in mid-sentence, saying that she's considering whether it would be beneficial to tell us something. I then realised that everything she says has gone through quick thought process, weighing of the necessity and whether it contributes positively to the session. You have to be very good at saying 'decorative' words like "sorry to burst your bubble but..." (she used this phrase quite a few times) which may seem extra but actually helps to prepare your listeners thus lessening the negative impact of what you are going to say. This is something I have tried to learn since my frank, straightforward character and bluntness in speech have caused my project work partners to tend to reject my ideas.
She also said something that hit me right on the spot - there are some people who appear to be able to do everything, but actually they are not really good at anything.
I lack something that I have a deep passion for. That's why I have still have such a wide range of options.
I hope I haven't quoted anything wrongly.
I don't know how I got the notion that I am not very busy but now, I realised that I actually have alot of things to do.
Gosh, I just visited the NTU and NUS websites and took a look at the various course descriptions and I'm getting more terrified and sort of crossing the Sciences off my list of possible university courses to take. I am not really inclined to do Science - I don't think I want to do research and experiments for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll end up taking accounting. I feel like going to SMU, just that I don't know if I'll be able to cope and excel there. What about accounting at NTU or NUS?
There was band yesterday and over two hours was spent on sectionals. I felt that I lost the interest in controlling myself to play well after several repetition. We had moved to the grandstand after someone from Chinese Orchestra told us to move away as we were disturbing their practice in the hall (we were at the benches near the hall). Wow, so we have to listen to her? was the respond some of the juniors had. Hmm, to think about it now, why didn't they close the doors. Anyway, so there were the softballers in the field and I was 'observing' them but got 'told off' by Jurena. I know that the sky is very beautiful but can you take the time to memorise the score. Of course she didn't direct it to me and I think that's the best way she could have phrase it so I got away from stoning at them. Edo had said on Wednesday that he'll test us one by one to see if we have memorised the scores. I'm dead.
The seconds have already somewhat memorised their parts, and Jurena said they are the best section at the present, which is very true. Everyone of them really makes the effort to play together with one another, and according to Jurena, when you play as a section, what matters is not how good and how loud each individual is, but whether you can play together. When you play together, you sound loud as a section.
That's something we thirds have to learn. We haven't practised together as thirds at all. Got to build up the feeling. I think that we lack the desire to play together. Though something comforting was that once yesterday, Siew Han and I managed to bu yue er tong de play a certain bar in Amazonia after Jurena had stopped conducting during sectionals and even repeated it together. I think I need to initiate short thirds sectionals soon - tomorrow?
At coro where we went for section lunch, we met the NYCB juniors. Jacklyn remarked that I have become thinner. Eversince I returned from Kudafari, two people (at least?) have said that, An Qi being the other one. NYCB's SYF is on 14 April. That's so soon! Jacklyn was with the other sec4s. Jia Yun and I met the other clarinet juniors (sec3s and some younger ones) on the other end of coro and they seemed rather sad though they denied it. I wonder what happened.
After that, I met TK at AMK KFC to help TK and do work. But I hadn't done my own tutorials in advance so I didn't manage to help as much as I should have. Hmm. Refer to TK's blog, quite a good log. Both of us are similar in that we often get distracted away from work. So we need to do work with someone else so that we won't be that distracted. I think its ok, the problem is place and time.
Swam 15 laps on Friday.
Oh ya, Monday band practices starts tomorrow. So that's 3 official band practices plus 1 official sectionals per week, not including additional self-practice. And the band is moving to NIE for all practices starting Monday, 12 April which sort of eliminates chances for self-practice. Fortunately the school has agreed to pay for chartered buses to send us there and then to an MRT station after practices.
But I was just considering moving over to NY boarding school (but this isn't the first time I am making such a consideration), 'cos I am getting very physically tired of the travelling - the jam along the way to school is comparatively more serious then during my NY days. And the impact of me not doing any work after I get home on most of the weekdays is really getting too serious.
wishing; 4/03/2005 12:49:00 PM
Have Read
'04 year-end holidays (highest number of books read in a long time)
-The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom (gd read)
-Princess Diaries: Third Time Lucky by Meg Cabot (fun read)
-Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom (must read - inspirational)
-Slab Rat by Ted Heller (full of office politics and R21 stuff - not for kids)
-The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown (makes u want to finish it)
-A walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks (simple but meaningful)
-The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark (can identify with)
-The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (romantic love story with too much R21 stuff)
-Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks (even more R21. ugh)
-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery
-Unstrung Heroes by Franz Lidz (autobiography about his four uncles and father)
-The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks
-The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon (very unique POV of an autistic boy)
-The Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (love the breadth of the plot, one of my favourites)
-Wild Orchids by Jude Deveraux (alternating between two first persons' view - unique, but don't like e plot)
-Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (philosophy tb in a story; gets abit dry though plot saved)
-forgot what i read...-
-Working Wonders by Jenny Colgan (story of an urban planner)
-Angels and Demons by Dan Brown (impressive intelligence with bits of great humour)
-Just between Us by Cathy Kelly (thickest bk i've ever read-600+pg, too long for me but not bad)
ha, started a few bks but didn't enjoy them enough to read more.
'06
-Life of Pi by Yann Martel (novel based on true story; a lot to learn from the book - animals, religions,
survival, appreciation of simplicity; marvelous descriptions of both the tangible and the intangible,
such that I could feel their realness; bits of very enjoyable humour; a must read)
-The Complete Analects of Confucius, Volume 1 - Asiapac Comic Series (some good teachings.
didn't read everything though)
-The Parable of the Pipeline by Burke Hedges (lent to me by Shujun; like she said, its a short version
of Rich Dad Poor Dad - good financial tips)
-The Alchemist by Paul Coelho (simple story with deep meaning)
-Fish! A Remarkable Way to Boost Morale and Improve Results
(hai, doesn't seem to be working for me - cos im not applying..)
-haven't been updating from Jun'06 to Jul'07-
'07
-Take a Chance by Sarah Webb (very interesting twist towards the end)
'08
-A Child Called "It" by Dave Pelzer (very saddening. made me realise how significant family is in how a child behaves)
-Whatever You Think, Think the Opposite by Paul Arden (refreshing book with many pics)
-The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Rui Zafon (amazing how people can think of so much plot to pack into one book, wld b a gd tv series)
-The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (the story is interesting but i think the ending cld hv been better written)
-This Book Will Save Your Life by A.M. Homes (a bit thought-provoking on relationships but i didnt like e abrupt ending)
-Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner (gd knowledge but partly qte repetitive)
-For One More Day by Mitch Albom
-The C Words by Mark Mason (made me keep wanting to read on. light & funny)
'09
-Return to Summerhouse by Jude Deveraux (another good read from Deveraux)
-The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini (gosh such vivid descriptions! very well written book. i liked d theme of friendship and the realness of the story)
'10
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (a must-read!! i love the expressed thoughts of the protagonist, esp those about friendships, and the writing style - it seems like she's telling me her story specifically to me)
How to Save Your Own Life by Michael Gates Gill (an inspiring read, for emotional liberation and greater joy in life)
Reading
on hold
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
Waiting for chance to get hold of
The Little White Car by Danuta de Rhodes
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking
Le Scaphandre Et Le Papillon or The Diving Bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
My Left Foot by Christy Brown
Gotai Fumanzoku or An Unsatisfactory Body (Translated into English as No One's Perfect) by Hirotada Otatake
Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami
Other Recommended Readings by Marc
The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin – Few books have had as significant an impact on the way society views the natural world and the genesis of humankind.
The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell – Gladwell looks at how a small idea, or product concept, can spread like a virus and spark global sociological changes. Specifically, he analyzes “the levels at which the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.”
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens – This is a tale that lingers on the topic of attaining and maintaining a disciplined heart as it relates to one’s emotional and moral life. Dickens states that we must learn to go against “the first mistaken impulse of the undisciplined heart.”
Lolita – This is the kind of book that blows your mind wide open to conflicting feelings of life, love and corruption… and at times makes you deeply question your own perceptions of each. The story is as devious as it is beautiful.
Getting Things Done by David Allen – The quintessential guide to organizing your life and getting things done. Nuff said.
How To Cook Everything by Mark Bittman – 900 pages of simple instructions on how to cook everything you could ever dream of eating. Pretty much the greatest cookbook ever written. Get through a few recipes each week, and you’ll be a master chef by the time you’re 30.
Honeymoon with My Brother by Franz Wisner – Franz Wisner had it all… a great job and a beautiful fiancée. Life was good. But then his fiancée dumped him days before their wedding, and his boss basically fired him. So he dragged his younger brother to Costa Rica for his already-scheduled honeymoon and they never turned back… around the world they went for two full years. This is a fun, heartfelt adventure story about life, relationships, and self discovery.
Self-note: Tip for my future business =D
give employees reasonably high pay to keep them- otherwise they are unlikely to stay loyal.
treat employees not according to how well they treat me but how conscientious they are at work
(of course, musn't expect them to only do work throughout the entire working hours -
give some breathing space too, we are humans, not machines) Movies watched(listing started on 6jan08)
in cinema from VCD/DVD
1Sep07: "Hairspray" w TK, GH & SH
14Sep07: "Ratatouille" w mom & extended family
28Dec07: "The Pianist" w Jus & Pam (heartbreaking but good lessons; i recommend!)
2Jan08: "I Am Legend" w Sherm (scary! but good acting; thought provoking; i recommend!)
5-6Jan08: "A Good Year" alone (excellent show! i like the acting; funny; good lessons; touches my heart; i recommend!)
11Jan08: "Le Grand Chef" w WLing, JT & Irene (good! funny, very touching, :) nice; watch if like humour+meaning+food)
7Feb08 (CNY 初一): "Ah Long Pte Ltd" w parents (pretty hilarious - but u gotta understand dialects, some teary parts. wells typical of jack neo movies but with diff content)
11Mar08: "The Leap Year" w Sherm (so sweet! :) and apart from couple relationship it touches the theme of mother-daughter and best friends too)
6Jun08: "P.S. I Love You" w Sherm (don't know if its coz we watched it on laptop, coz it didn't impress me as much as it did for him in cinema)
8Jun08: "The Forbidden Kingdom" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (ums..guess i'm really not into kungfu)
8Jun08: "What Happens in Vegas" w Lisa, Karen & Sandy (simple,relaxing show)
7Jul08: "我和狗狗的10个约定" w Sherm, his ma & sisters (very simple,touching but actually not my type of show)
10Jul08: "Before Sunrise" w Sherm (hmm maybe watchg on laptop really affects appreciatn of movies..)
30Sep08: "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" w Sherm (i didn't like it as much as i thought i wld when i saw the ads)
31Dec08: "Yes Man" w Mom (inspiring and funny)
11Feb08: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" w Mom (not as impressive as i thought it wld be)
1Jul09: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" w Yumei, YY & Matt (the best thing was the soundtrack. heh.)
14Aug09: "GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra" w Joyce (it was awesome! best action movie i've ever watched)
17Aug09: "Food, Inc." w SYL & RuiQ (learnt some stuff abt the American food industry but it was a bit boring and not worth the $10)
22Sep09: "The Time Traveller's Wife" w WB, VanD, WLing, CHL, Irene, VanQ, Mf, Pg (i liked it. having read the book really helps w udsg)
21Nov09: "Gokusen" w Mf, Eva, Tony, Sarah (funny inspirational movie)
24Dec09: "十月围城" w Tony, WLing, VanQ (action action and a bit funny? tony criticised the plot. my fav scene was the running n jumping through the crowd along the five-foot ways w/o cuts)
30Dec09: "Sherlock Holmes" w Irene, Tony, Sweetee (my favourite genre of books made into a movie - what else can be more cool? acting effects humour excitement suspense all in)
12Jan10: "Avatar 3D" w Mom (didn't appreciate the digital effects which everyone wowed about. content etc was so-so. cathay's 3D glasses were too heavy for me)
8Feb10: "The Truman Show" w Ky n sis n Yuhshin (a must-watch. very thought-provoking, funny. reminder to be spontaneous and create your life the way you want, instead of falling into a typical routine
14Feb10: "New York, I Love You" w Mom (I loved it! a good couple movie with meaningful pointers to keep it going. but i think some stories could be more developed)
16Feb10: rewatched "The Pianist" (still find it good, tho i still feel first viewings are the best)
17Feb10: "Valentine's Day" w CHL n WB (laughed throughout - a feel-good movie; liked the fact that the various stories binded tog so well with the little surprises here and there, vs NY ILU in which each story was separate)
20Feb10: "赤壁二" w Addy, Karen, Sharon, SJ (should have watched the first one first cos i ended up not knowing who's who and what's happening and had to keep asking :/ and couldn't pay attn.. if not i think it should be a pretty good movie..)
4Mar10: "Alice in Wonderland 3D" w Mf (i found the 3D effects of this @ CCK Shaw SO much better than Avatar @ The Cathay =/ and the movie was much more enjoyable too! - cheered a sad me up :)) favourite quote - the Mad Hatter: “You used to be much muchier before. ... You have lost your muchness.”)
18Mar10: "Nodame Cantabile" w Irene, Mf (i thoroughly enjoyed some of the orchestra pieces - SO impressive! the expressions of the actors were really amusing :D)
23Apr10: "Ice Kacang Puppy Love" w Mom (funny, touching and meaningful - about love between friends and family. i cried 3 tissues! cos some touching parts i could really understand the feelings of the characters involved)
Inception
Letters to God (very simple Christian movie)
22Nov10: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" w Ame, Irene (they loved it. pretty good, i guess the main problem i had was that im not familiar with HP :X)
13Dec10: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" w Sj (not bad, could follow the story unlike HP. like the meaningful teachings, too long - in a post)
2Mar11: "The King's Speech" w Ame (hilarious, inspirational, tho it doesn't impress me that much to understand why it's the Oscar winner)
Mar11: "10 Things I Hate About You" very funny. silly sweet high school romance. just right for having breaks in between doing homework
23May11: "Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides" w Wb Yl Ame Pg (pretty good - scenery, freakish parts, fighting scenes, dressing, humour, bits of Christianity like when the Spanish said "only God gives life")
6Jun11: "Xmen First Class" w Wb Ame Pg (i was very keen on watching it and it was really good! intellectual, makes sense, cool action, some humour)
9Jun11: "Legally Blonde 2" w Irene (seems like some dumb blonde movie but kind of meaningful too - speaking up for yourself and what you stand for)
17Jun11: "Something Borrowed" w Sandy Lisa (quite funny, somewhat meaningful wrt friendships. they didn't like the lack of sense for one part tho)
16Jul11: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" w Irene, Sweetee, Kw (not bad. i didn't understand some parts again but the humour and effects were pretty good)
Aug11 "Horrible Bosses" w Ma (she fell asleep! gosh. the movie was very crude i must say but there was the humour)
25Oct11: "The Three Musketeers" w H (i would rate it 3.5 for humour/intellectual language and 4 for action. it's by the same producer or director as Sherlock! but a bit less awesome albeit a good chill out movie)
5Nov11: "Real Steel" w Hl (action packed but not too hardcore for me. i liked that there was the father and son element and how the father eventually softened his heart and especially the part when charlie was having trouble telling max sth and max was so understanding saying "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." touching and demonstrates true fighting spirit)
12Dec11: "50/50" w L (adopting her words - a heavy topic put across in a lighthearted way, but not taking away d meaning. most of it was rather hollywood-ish trashiness but there were a couple of punch lines "u can't change ur parents, but u can change d way u respond to them.")
25Dec11: "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol" w KY (ultimate action packed! super tense almost throughout the movie, and interesting Tom Cruise made it such that not everything happened smoothly - he would jump and misland and get all sorts of injuries..it's really the courage to jump without hesitation even though you are not sure you'll be alive after that. KY loved d movie and said she would watch it again!)
3Jan12: "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows" w KY (i love mystery (: and the witty sarcastic dialogues. good level of excitement with the action. didn't understand some parts as usual. i like Holmes and Watson they depict such a true pair of buddies ;D)
23Jan12: "You are the Apple of My Eye" w mom (now i understand why guys like this movie so much - the anxiety of chasing after a girl and the acts schoolboys do to get the girl's attention and hopefully affection. the initial fluttering and the subsequent quarrelling)
22Mar12: "The Iron Lady" w KY (really love Thatcher's sharp words. inspiring and thought-provoking, tho i was still left uncertain of what to do with my life, the movie is definitely an encouraging one)
29Mar12: "Barney's Version" w SJ (a funny movie of a screwed up life of a man who had 3 wives, smoked and drank but very heartwarming at the same time, the relationships with the dad and the 3th wife - quotable quotes!)
27Apr12: "The Hunger Games" w Mom
4May12" "Avengers" w MF n PS (funny, action-packed)
7Jul12: "The Amazing Spiderman"
21Jul12: "The Dark Knight Rises" (fantastic depth, loved the twists)
20Aug12: "ParaNorman" w Mom (simple funny animated movie, heartwarming support)
Performances watched (listing started on 25Apr10)
20Jan10: Patrick Marber's Closer by outoftheBLUE, NUS Science w Pam (
13Mar10: The Rain Came Down Like Pearls the Night I Died... The New Musical - Sing & Tell by Mark Chan w Addy & Jy
21Mar10: Quintessence by NUSCO w CHL
